Triggers vs. Responses: What Your Body’s Trying to Tell You
Triggers vs. Responses: What Your Body’s Trying to Tell You
Ever found yourself completely overwhelmed by something that, logically, shouldn’t have hit so hard?
Maybe someone used a particular tone of voice, and you felt like running. Or a smell brought back a memory so fast it knocked the air out of your lungs. Maybe your partner was five minutes late, and your whole body tensed and shut down. Or perhaps it was seeing a family picture go across your screen that made your heart jump into your throat.
That’s not “overreacting.”
That’s your nervous system reacting to something it’s seen or felt before.
What Is a Trigger?
A trigger is anything internal or external that activates an emotional or physical response associated with a past experience. And oftentimes, it’s tied to something painful, scary, or unresolved.
But here’s the thing…our bodies aren’t great at telling time.
The nervous system’s job is to keep us alive, not to keep us calm or logical with perfect perspective. It’s scanning for danger, not nuance. So, when it senses a familiar threat (even if it’s “just” a cabinet door slamming), it doesn’t pause to ask:
“Is this 1998 or 2025?” or “Is this disclosure day or August 19, 2025?”
It just reacts.
That reaction can look like:
Snapping at someone who didn’t mean harm
Freezing in place or going numb
Fleeing or needing to get away
Having flashbacks of an event
Reliving the moment
Physical effects: nauseous, dizzy, headache
Shutting down emotionally
Feeling panicked, unsafe, or rejected (seemingly “out of nowhere”)
But it’s not out of nowhere. It’s coming from back then, even if the situation is happening right now.
It’s been over a decade, and I remember some of my triggers vividly. I recall what triggered them, how my body responded, and how I attempted to calm myself down before creating my go-bag.
Response vs. Trigger: What’s the Difference?
It’s important in our journey to remember that not every intense feeling is a trigger. Some things are simply uncomfortable, frustrating, or upsetting in the moment. But a trigger is when your nervous system reacts to a current event with the intensity of a past event.
Here’s a way to tell the difference:
Trigger:
Feels sudden, out of proportion, overwhelming
Brings up old patterns (fight/flight/freeze/fawn)
May include body flashbacks or intense dread
Often comes with shame after the factResponse:
Feels connected to the current moment
Allows room to pause or choose how to react
May feel unpleasant, but manageable
Usually, it doesn’t result in regret or confusion
If you’ve ever walked away from an interaction thinking, “Why did that hit me so hard?” you were likely triggered.
Your Nervous System Isn’t Betraying You
Let’s get one thing straight: your nervous system isn’t the enemy.
It’s trying to keep you safe using the tools it learned early on. When you were in danger or distress, your body stored those experiences as “evidence.” And now, when something feels similar enough, it sounds the alarm, even if you’re not in the same danger anymore. Your body got used to being in protection mode.
So no, your reaction isn’t bananas.
It just needs new tools as we learn to navigate the triggers.
Name the Then, Ground in the Now
This is one of my favorite ways to interrupt the trigger-response cycle. It’s simple, but not always easy, especially in the heat of the moment. But over time, it gets easier with practice.
Step 1: Name the “Then”
When you feel your body go into overdrive, gently ask:
“What does this remind me of?”
“When have I felt this before?”
“What’s the old story my body thinks it’s reliving?”
This isn’t about reliving the trauma, but rather identifying that your current response might be echoing a past wound.
Example:
Your partner cancels plans. You feel crushed and abandoned. When you pause, you realize it reminds you of the time your dad didn’t show up for your school play. That pain is still stored and now the nervous system is yelling, “We’re being abandoned again!”
Step 2: Ground in the “Now”
Once you’ve named the origin, anchor yourself back to the present:
“That was then. This is now.”
“I’m safe right now.”
“I’m with someone who communicates even if it’s hard.”
“This feeling is old, but I can choose a new response.”
Example:
Your partner doesn’t respond to a text for a few hours, and your stomach drops. You feel the urge to check their search history, location, or spiral into fear: “They’re at it again. They’re lying. I can’t trust them.”
Ground in the “Now”
Once you’ve named the origin, anchor yourself back to the present:
When you pause, you realize this reaction is echoing the early days after disclosure, when the silence really did mean something was wrong. Now you remind yourself:
“This is a different moment.”
“I’m safe now.”
“I have boundaries, support, and choices. This is not the past replaying.”
Example:
You walk into a family gathering and immediately feel small, tense, and defensive—even though no one has said a word to you. Your aunt makes a passive-aggressive comment about your “past choices,” and your whole body lights up with shame and anger.
Ground in the “Now”
Once you’ve named the origin, anchor yourself back to the present:
When you pause, you realize your reaction isn’t just about what she said, it’s about years of judgment, disappointment, and not being believed when you said you were trying. Now you breathe and remind yourself:
“That was then. This is now.'“
“I’m not who I was in active addiction.”
“I’ve done the work, and I don’t have to prove anything.”
“I get to protect my peace today.”
Grounding Tools for When Triggers Hit
When you notice you’ve been triggered, try one or more of these tools to help your nervous system settle:
1. 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding
Use your senses to connect to the present:
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
2. Temperature Shifts
Hold an ice cube, splash cold water on your face, or step outside. This can help reset your system by activating the vagus nerve.
3. Soothing Self-Talk
Talk to yourself like you would a scared child:
“You’re okay. This moment is safe.”
“We don’t have to run. We’re not in danger.”
“It makes sense that this feels big, but we’re not back there anymore.”
4. Movement
Shake your hands out, stretch, take a walk, or dance. Moving helps the body process excess adrenaline and cortisol.
5. Connect with a Safe Person
Reach out to your Recovery Circle or Healing Hive. These are the people who “get it” or know your story. Even a text saying, “Hey, I got hit with a wave and I’m grounding now,” can reorient your system. I used to leave a super long voice mail and felt much better afterwards.
When a Trigger Surprises You
One of the most humbling parts of healing is realizing that you don’t always see the trigger coming.
Sometimes, you’ll be doing fine and then BAM, something totally random takes you out. That doesn’t mean you’re back at square one. It means your body is showing you something that may need to be examined, comforted, or healed.
The more you get curious (not judgmental) about your reactions, the more power you have to respond instead of just react. So listen to your body. It knows things!
You’re Allowed to Slow Down
Healing and recovery don’t mean you never get triggered again. It means you learn to recognize what’s happening, give yourself compassion, and stay rooted in the truth:
You are not your past.
You are not your pain.
You are not broken because your nervous system still reacts.
The more you practice identifying “Then vs. Now,” the more space you create for your nervous system to feel safe in the present.
Final Thought
Your body’s not trying to ruin your day. It’s trying to protect you based on what it learned.
You’re learning and growing. You’ve got tools. You’ve got perspective. And you’re writing a new story. One where your reactions don’t run the show, and your healing and recovery lead the way.
Start with curiosity. Add compassion.
And when the old wound shows up, whisper:
“I see you. I remember. But I’m here now.”
Wanna Stay Connected?
If this hit home, I’d love to know. Tap that heart, drop a comment, or send a quick message. A simple “same” or “this got me” is more than enough.
You’re also invited to join other Bookenders in our new Reddit community: r/BooksOfRecovery. Whether you’re healing from addiction, betrayal trauma, or loving someone through it, you’ll find tools, honest conversations, and support through every stage of the process.
💛
Laura
