Emotional Sobriety Meets World Mental Health Awareness Blog Series: Post #1
When I first got clean, I thought not using was all there was to it. Mission accomplished. Maybe I’d get a gold star or something. Mental health and emotional regulation weren’t even on my radar. That came later. Much later. Like over a decade later after things in my life were much messier.
Turns out, quitting cocaine was only the beginning. What I needed after that, what a lot of us need, is emotional sobriety. The cool thing is, emotional sobriety and mental health aren’t just related, they’re like siblings who split the rent on your sanity.
That’s what we’re talking about today. Emotional sobriety and mental health…not rent.
What Is Emotional Sobriety?
In simple terms, emotional sobriety means you’re no longer letting your emotions take the wheel and crash into a brick wall. You’re not avoiding your feelings or drowning in them. You're learning to feel them fully without letting them hijack your recovery, your day, or your relationships. You’re feeling the feels.
Mental health and emotional sobriety go hand in hand because one without the other is like peanut butter without the jelly. It’s still tasty, but having that jelly makes it so much better! I was going to say liver and onions without bacon, but I realize most people don’t like liver and onions as much as I do.
Where Emotional Sobriety Meets Mental Health
Here’s where the two intersect:
Regulation over reaction: Emotional sobriety helps you pause and choose how you respond. Mental health tools (like CBT, DBT, or even that deep breathing I talk about so much) give you the how behind that pause.
Awareness without shame: You can feel anxious, sad, or even full of rage without turning on yourself or others. That’s emotional growth and mental wellness.
Processing without spiraling: You stop avoiding the challenging stuff and start processing it without losing yourself in it.
I didn’t learn this in a single therapy session or support group. It took years of unlearning unhealthy thought patterns, creating new pathways for my brain to travel, crying in my car and the bathroom at work, and learning how to feel my emotions without numbing, shoving them down, or snapping. But eventually, things leveled out and the chaos in my head calmed. My mental health improved when I worked on my emotional sobriety. And vice versa.
Where to Begin
So maybe you’re reading this and thinking, Okay, emotional sobriety sounds important, but where do I start? Good question, I’m glad you asked. Also, no worries, you’re exactly where you need to be.
Here’s a truth that took me longer than I care to admit to learn, you don’t need to have it all figured out to start healing. You just need one small, consistent action. Here are a few jumping-off points if you’re staring at the idea of “mental wellness” like it’s written in gibberish:
1. Pick One Emotion a Day
Start by naming what you feel once a day. That’s it. Set a timer or check in with yourself before your feet hit the floor or before bed. “I’m grateful this morning.”, “I felt angry this afternoon.” “I felt proud after that meeting.” No deep analysis required just practice noticing. And if you struggle with naming your feelings, that’s okay. Stick with the basics until you get the hang of it. You can even try this emotions with color exercise to get started.
2. Practice the Pause
You don’t have to fix or figure out your feelings right away. Try this: when something stirs you up, take 10 seconds to breathe before reacting or try another breathing exercise. That pause is emotional sobriety training in real-time. You’re learning to respond, not react.
3. Write a “Tiny Wins” List
Put a pin in the five-year plan for now. What’s one thing you did today that moved you toward emotional or mental health? Took a walk, hydrated, ate a healthy snack, didn’t hit snooze? Celebrate that. Write it down. That list is more important than any to-do list. Goals are important, for sure, but so is celebrating your wins. All of them, even the small ones.
4. Find One Trusted Outlet
Whether it’s a therapist, a support group, a recovery friend, or your journal, have one space where you can show up honestly and without shame. You don’t need to pour your soul out daily but knowing you have somewhere to go makes a difference in your recovery and healing journey. If you’re not sure where to begin, you can start at my resource hub.
5. Start a Feelings Journal
Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to be deep poetry or anything. It can be whatever you want it to be. Journals come in all shapes and sizes. You can try finishing sentences like:
“Today I felt ______ because ______.”
“Right now I need ______.”
“I usually avoid feeling ______, but today I noticed it.”
6. Don’t Go It Alone
Seriously. I tried it and it sucked. I made things worse. Don’t be me. Whether it’s community, online support, a workbook, or just following people who have been there done that, you don’t have to figure this out by yourself. No shame in needing a guide. Most of us do.
Signs You’re Growing in Emotional Sobriety and Mental Health
Let’s normalize a few things that don’t get enough credit:
You set a boundary and didn’t spend the next 12 hours overthinking it.
You had a tough day and didn’t immediately reach for your old coping mechanisms.
You felt your feelings and didn’t shame yourself for having them.
You chose a healthy pathway over a negative pathway.
You noticed a negative thought and reframed it.
You asked for help. Even if your voice shook.
That’s progress. That’s mental health in action.
When You Know You Need Support
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if you're just having a rough week or if your mental health needs more attention. Here are a few signs you might want to check in with a professional:
You feel emotionally flatlined or hyperreactive more days than not.
Sleep is either impossible or the only thing you can do.
You’re isolating not to protect your peace, but out of hopelessness or fear.
You keep saying “I’m fine” when you’re actually a hot mess.
There’s no shame in needing therapy, meds, or both. How many times have you heard me rave about my counselor? She absolutely rocked! I wouldn’t be where I am without her. If you need a therapist, find one. If they’re out of your budget, see if there’s one in your area that works on a sliding scale like mine did.
Tools to Strengthen Emotional Sobriety AND Mental Health
Let’s end with some low-cost, high-impact tools that build emotional and mental health muscles:
Name it to tame it: I’ve mentioned, saying “I’m overwhelmed” out loud can take the edge off. So can talking to the emotion. You’re acknowledging the emotion and lessening it’s power. Give it a try and don’t worry about how you look!
Grounding exercises: I’ve mentioned the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to lessen your way out of an anxiety spiral, so let’s talk about some unique grounding exercises in case you missed Tuesday’s post: Hold ice in your hands, it will help bring you to the present, tap different parts of your body to redirect that anxious energy, or play the category game like naming five pastas, five kinds of fruits and five kinds of dogs.
Feeling check-ins: Take a moment to do an emotional check-in. “What am I feeling right now? What might I need?” Remember not to get caught up in analyzing your feelings. I used to that, “WHY am I feeling this way???” The why isn’t as important as being able to acknowledge it and move through it, and if necessary, redirect it.
Rest, not retreat: You’re allowed to pause without quitting. There’s no shame in taking a break. Whether that’s from work, chores, recovery work like your steps, deep dives, reading, whatever…we need that mental step back. Do it without guilt. And if your sponsor or accountability partner tries to give you shit about taking a few days to mentally reset, find a new one. I mean it. I care not what anyone thinks about me saying it. Unpacking what we’re going through is tough. We need empathy, not a guilt trip. Just make sure you get back in the groove of doing the work in a few days. We don’t want your rest to turn into stagnation.
Journaling prompts like:
What emotion have I been avoiding this week?
How did I handle stress today and how did it handle me?
What changes do I need to make this week?
What did I do great this week?
What do I need to improve on next week?
Your Turn
Emotional sobriety isn’t a destination, it’s a relationship. And like all relationships, it takes attention, care, and a little humor when it all goes sideways.
What’s one thing you do (or can do today) that supports your emotional sobriety and your mental health? Write it down. Celebrate it. Share it here in the comments!
Because mental health awareness isn’t just about diagnosis or treatment plans, it’s about the daily choices we make to show up for ourselves.
Even when it’s hard.
Especially when it’s hard.
If you have any questions, feel free to reach out! I love hearing from readers and supporting your journey. Just a heads up: I respond to all emails, except from solicitors.
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Sending positive vibes your way,
Laura
