Mental Health and Men: Breaking the Silence World Mental Health Awareness Blog Series: Post #2

Want to hear something I find disheartening? We still live in a world where many men are told, either directly or indirectly, that they should “man up”, “suck it up”, and “never let ‘em see you cry”. (Unless they’re watching a guy cry movie like Marley and Me or Field of Dreams.)

Mental health doesn’t care what gender you are. Depression, anxiety, trauma, burnout, these things don’t check for masculinity before showing up and crushing you.

So, in honor of World Mental Health Awareness, let’s shine a light on a conversation we should be having all year: men and mental health.

“I’m Fine.” (Reality: He was not fine.)

For a lot of men, especially those in recovery or raised in households where sharing feelings isn’t normalized (remember FOO?), mental health gets shoved in a drawer labeled “Deal with later.”

But later never comes.

What does come? Irritability, shutting down, overworking, drinking, drugs, risk-taking, or becoming emotionally unavailable in relationships. Not because men don’t feel, but because many men have been taught that feeling is weakness. Or because they were never taught how to process feelings and connect on a deep level properly. My husband was one of those people.

Emotion is not weakness. Emotion is information

No matter how hard we try it, ignoring emotions won’t make them go away. It just shows up in other ways. Like being irrationally angry when getting cut off in traffic, holding grudges against people for no real reason (“They didn’t say good morning?! F them for life!) or feeling left out despite being included.

Why This Hits Extra Hard in Recovery

Many men in recovery were never given the tools to name, process, or regulate emotions. If anger was the only “allowed” feeling, it’s no wonder sadness, fear, or shame get buried so deep within them.

When those emotions surface (as they tend to do in sobriety), it can feel like a flood with no life raft. That’s where emotional sobriety and mental health support come in.

Addiction may have been the coping tool. Recovery requires new ones. And you know I’m a fan of having as many tools in your toolkit as possible.

What Support Can Look Like for Men

Support doesn't have to mean tearful therapy sessions (though those can be so cathartic). It can also look like:

• A regular walk with a friend where the real stuff gets said, not the surface level stuff like, “How ‘bout them Giants?!” But more like, “I visited my parents and that brought up some tough emotions.”

• Saying, “I’m struggling today” without needing to explain why.

• Going to a therapist who understands male trauma and recovery and doesn’t dismiss it. Remember, it’s okay to keep looking for a counselor until you find the one that’s a good fit for you. I went through several before finding the one that was good fit for me.

• Learning to sit with discomfort instead of stuffing it down. Sometimes, leaning into those uncomfortable feelings, without analyzing them, can help us heal.

• Creating boundaries that protect your emotional wellbeing.

Support can even look like learning that “I’m angry” is often code for “I’m scared” or “I feel disrespected.” Remember the Anger Iceberg where anger may be the surface level emotion while other emotions are hiding below.

Loved Ones, Take Note

If you’re in a relationship with a man who’s in recovery or simply trying to manage mental health, it helps to know:

• Silence doesn’t always mean disinterest.

• Irritability can be a mask for shame or grief.

• Pushing him to talk won’t always work but creating consistent space and modeling vulnerability might.

Instead of:

“Why won’t you open up?”
Try:
“You don’t have to say anything now, but I’m here when you’re ready.”

It’s okay to ask how you can support instead of assuming what support should look like. Also, keep in mind that everyone, men and women, process information differently. I want to resolve things right now! My husband needs time to process our conversations, before finding resolution.

A Word to the Men Reading This

If you’ve ever felt like mental health conversations weren’t for you, I get it. My husband was the same way. I could see him shut down in the beginning.

You don’t have to have the perfect language for your feelings. You just have to start noticing them. You don’t have to spill your guts to every person you meet (hello, boundaries). But you do get to feel what you feel without apology. You don’t have to have a “reason” to struggle. Mental health doesn't need permission to act up. It just needs your attention.

Bonus Prompts: (for Journaling or Reflection)

• What emotion is hardest for you to express and why?

• What’s something you wish more people understood about what mental health looks like for you?

• What’s one small thing you could try this week to support your mental health, just for you?

It’s time we stopped pretending that mental health is gendered. It’s time we gave men the space to feel, hurt, heal, and grow without judgment.

Because silence isn't strength, connection is. And what’s the opposite of addiction? You guessed it…connection.

If you have any questions about men and mental health, feel free to reach out. I love hearing from readers and supporting your journey. Just a heads up: I respond to all emails, except from solicitors.

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Sending strength, connection, and positive vibes your way,
Laura