The Real Roots of Emotional Discomfort (and How They Get Wired Into Our Bodies)

Have you ever smelled someone’s cologne and it reminded you of your best friend from high school? Or heard the first few seconds of a song, and were instantly brought back to that moment you were driving down the road, wind blowing through your hair, not a care in the world? Me too. I love those comforting memories. They’re like warm mental hugs.

After disclosure, the same thing happened when I saw certain pictures pop-up on our digital picture frame (remember those?) or when I drove past a certain place. Except it wasn’t a warm, fuzzy feeling I was experiencing. It was cold daggers stabbing into my heart and brain. All in a matter of moments.

I’m unpacking more of that (the complex, deep parts) over on Substack if you want to join me there.

Okay, Bookenders, I know I mention self-care quite often. Like, a lot. Because self-care in healing and recovery is important. But, when you’re in the thick of healing, sometimes the usual “light a candle and journal it out” tips may not be enough. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good watermelon and lemonade candle moment. It’s under my warmer right now. But real self-care? The kind that helps you stay emotionally sober, break cycles, and not throw your phone across the room, that takes a little more creativity. Here are five self-care practices I’ve learned (some the hard way) that go beyond the surface and can help.

Check in with yourself using the Life Wheel: a simple, powerful tool for addicts in recovery and the loved ones healing alongside them.

After the response to my blog post and podcast on urge surfing, I realized something: it's one thing to read about the technique… but it's another thing entirely to practice it, especially when your nervous system is doing back springs inside your brain.

So I created a brand-new workbook to guide you through urge surfing, step by step.

Are you someone who tries to find the humor too? If you are, you’re not alone. A lot of us in recovery and healing use humor to help us through some of the toughest challenges and it’s the reason we’re still here. It’s not about making light of serious struggles. It’s about making room to breathe in the middle of them.

We’ve talked before about my love of rollercoasters (the more loops the better!) And that’s how recovery can feel even on the best days. One minute you're feeling grounded and grateful, and the next, you’re wanting the world to stop giving you so many nauseating twists and turns.

Recovery and healing has its ups and downs, but sometimes what looks like “a bad week” or “just feeling off” is actually your brain waving little red flags, trying to get you to pay attention.

Mental health matters just as much as sobriety and healing. Recognizing when you need support can keep you from spiraling deeper or even prevent a setback.

When you think about your recovery and your healing, you might imagine a life-changing therapy breakthrough, a talk with someone from your Healing Hive or Sobriety Circle that makes things magically click or a topic from your support group that evokes radical change in your journey.

But most of the time? Healing is... kinda boring. It's brushing your teeth when you're depressed. It's turning off your phone at 9 p.m. because you know scrolling won’t help…and it could turn into doom scrolling…which could lead to…well, you know. It's drinking water when you'd rather drink a beer or do drugs to numb what you’re thinking or feeling.

So today, we’re celebrating the unsung heroes of mental health. Those tools that don’t go viral, don’t feel magical, but absolutely keep you grounded when life feels overwhelming.