Feeling Overwhelmed? The Science Behind Triggers and Emotional Reactions
The Real Roots of Emotional Discomfort (and How They Get Wired Into Our Bodies)
Have you ever smelled someone’s cologne and it reminded you of your best friend from high school? Or heard the first few seconds of a song, and were instantly brought back to that moment you were driving down the road, wind blowing through your hair, not a care in the world? Me too. I love those comforting memories. They’re like warm mental hugs.
After disclosure, the same thing happened when I saw certain pictures pop-up on our digital picture frame (remember those?) or when I drove past a certain place. Except it wasn’t a warm, fuzzy feeling I was experiencing. It was cold daggers stabbing into my heart and brain. All in a matter of moments.
I’m unpacking more of that (the complex, deep parts) over on Substack if you want to join me there.
If you’ve ever found yourself completely overwhelmed by a situation, emotion, trigger, or if your nervous system goes from zero to sixty over something like a tone of voice or a shift in someone’s facial expression, I hope you know you’re not dramatic. You’re not broken.
You’re probably wired to react that way because of things you’ve lived through or are currently experiencing.
Let’s talk about that wiring.
Emotional Discomfort Has Roots: It’s Not Just “In Your Head”
Many of us weren’t taught how to identify, name, or regulate our emotions. Especially if you grew up in chaos, around addiction, abuse, or in a home where “everything’s fine” was the only acceptable emotion.
Instead of learning, “Hey, that tight feeling in your chest is anxiety,” we learned:
Stuff it down
Hide it
Perform through it
Or disappear into something else (hello food, porn, substances, social media)
So, when something hard happens later in life, like betrayal, rejection, conflict, etc., we don’t just respond to this moment.
We respond to all the moments that came before it.
Your nervous system keeps a kind of emotional highlight reel.
And guess what? It doesn’t care if today’s situation isn’t the same as back then.
If it feels the same, it reacts the same.
It’s Not Just Mental, It’s Physical
Our emotional responses don’t live in a file cabinet labeled “childhood trauma.” (How convenient would that be?)
They live in our bodies.
That’s why:
You clench your jaw without realizing it
Your stomach drops when your partner gets quiet
Your heart races when you get a text that says “We need to talk”
You freeze when someone yells, even if they’re not yelling at you
This is your body saying, “We’ve been here before. And it didn’t feel safe.”
The science-y name for this is neuroception. It’s how our bodies scan for danger (real or perceived) and prepare to protect us.
Even when the danger is emotional.
The Problem? We Internalize the Pain Instead of Processing It
When emotional discomfort shows up and we don’t have tools to deal with it, we do what we were taught: we adapt.
We shut down.
We lash out.
We scroll.
We drink.
We pick a fight to feel something other than numb.
We apologize for existing.
And when that becomes a pattern? It gets wired into how we function.
Not because we’re trying to be difficult.
Because our body is trying to protect us the best way it knows how.
But Here’s the Hope: What Got Wired In Can Be Rewired
Get ready, Bookenders, one of my favorite words is coming up. Our brains are malleable. We can rewire them. That’s the beautiful thing about the human brain and body:
They can learn new ways to respond. To me, that’s so exciting!
It doesn’t start with pushing ourselves harder, it starts with noticing.
Noticing when your stomach tightens before a conversation
Noticing the urge to distract when sadness creeps in
Noticing the stories you tell yourself when you feel ignored, unimportant, or unsafe
When we notice, we create a pause. And in that pause, we can start choosing something new.
Even if it’s small, it matters. You can give these a try:
Name 3 textures you can feel right now. (Your shirt sleeve, the chair, the floor under your feet.)
Whisper one kind thing to yourself: like you would to a younger version of you.
Touch something cold or warm: a mug, a sink handle, a smooth stone.
Trace a shape with your finger (like an infinity loop, heart, or a star) on your palm or thigh.
Look for one thing that didn’t exist 10 years ago in your immediate space (aside from your smart phone).
Mentally label your emotion like a headline: “Feeling Slightly Off Because I Wasn't Invited.”
Hum a few seconds of a song that soothed you in the past.
Visualize a stop sign: but make it glittery, purple, and change it into a different shape like kidney bean.
Ask yourself one curious question, like: “What do I actually need right now?”
Say one thing out loud that you’re grateful to have, big or small.
These tiny actions don’t fix everything, but they interrupt the script. They remind us that we’re allowed to be aware, curious, and kind to ourselves in the moments we’d usually go numb or spiral.
Where We’re Headed Next
In the next post, I’ll be talking about the numbing behaviors we reach for, especially the ones that look “healthy” on the surface.
If this one hit home, I’d love to hear from you. A comment, a heart, or a quiet “me too” through my contact form means more than you know.
I’m also sharing deeper dives and behind-the-scenes reflections over on Substack, if that’s your thing. Some posts are public, some may stay anonymous, but they’re all rooted in the real stuff of healing and recovery.
And I’m thinking about opening a free, private chat space over there just for Bookenders, something quiet and supportive where we can talk healing without judgment. If that sounds like something you’d be into, let me know.
But before we go there, I want to leave you with this:
Emotional discomfort is not a sign that you’re failing.
It’s a sign that your body is asking for support.
You’re not weak, you’re wired.
And wiring can change.
Remember one of my favorite words…malleable (and say it out loud because it’s just so much fun to say!) 💛
Warmly,
Laura
