Are You Healing or Just Staying Busy? How to Spot Productive Numbing
The Numb We Normalize: Coping That Pretends to Be Productive
Are you someone who enjoys staying busy? Me too. I thought that since I was busy, I was in a healthy recovery and my healing journey was in great shape. But, of course, I was mistaken.
I was using productive numbing because I was still white knuckling my recovery. What looked like self-improvement to me was actually an unhealthy coping strategy.
That’s what I’m talking about today, the ways we cope that feel healthy, but might be hiding something deeper.
What Is Productive Numbing?
You may be wondering what productive numbing is, and that’s okay, because I certainly was when my counselor brought it up during a session.
“How have you been, Laura?”
“Really good. I’ve been diving into this project at work. And of course, the kids are keeping me busy. Oh, and I decided to repaint the living room, then once I did that, I noticed that the hallways needed to be done along with the baseboards…”
“Sounds like you’ve been busy. How are you doing with your healing and recovery?”
“Oh, uh, I wrote some gratitude lists and went to a meeting, so yeah, I’m good, I guess.”
My counselor didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to; she rarely did. We’d been working with each other long enough for me to know when I was heading into wonky territory. Just picture Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm saying, “What? No good?” That was me.
Finally, I said, “I haven’t been doing any deep work since we last talked. I hit an emotional wall. It’s hard to move through a lot of it. I thought if I wasn’t crying on the floor or a lump on the couch, I was doing well.”
My counselor explained that productive numbing occurs when we engage in activities and behaviors that appear to be helpful, but we’re actually practicing avoidance rather than using our healthy coping skills and practicing self-care.
Some examples are:
Overworking or hyper-focusing on tasks
Perfectionism masked as “standards”
Cleaning/organizing as a way to avoid emotion
Constant “self-improvement” (without pausing to feel)
Toxic positivity: forcing yourself to “look on the bright side” while stuffing pain
Signs You’re Numbing Under the Radar
You may wonder if some of the behaviors you’re engaging in are actually productive numbing, rather than healthy recovery and healing. Here are some signs to look out for:
You feel anxious when you’re not doing something
Stillness feels “lazy” or unsafe
You have a hard time naming what you’re feeling
You schedule yourself to the point of burnout
You get praised for how “strong” or “productive” you are, even though you’re secretly feeling hollow
I’m definitely someone who used to need to be busy to feel useful. To me, being still meant I wasn’t being productive. What I didn’t understand back then was that when I was still, it meant I was forced to sit with my emotions, and some of those emotions were scary to walk through. However, to heal, I needed to move through them.
Why We Normalize It (And Why It Sticks)
It’s not uncommon for us to turn toward the things that make us feel safe—or the things that get us praised. They help us feel validated.
For people-pleasers (me included), it’s like a duck to water to keep over-performing at work, saying yes to everything, and making ourselves available 24/7 just to feel “good enough.” And for those of us in recovery, many are rewarded for our productivity with coins, key tags, and milestone markers.
If you’ve experienced trauma, staying busy might have felt like the only way to survive, especially during those overwhelming moments when slowing down would have meant facing the pain head-on.
A New Way to Pause
When those challenging emotions or moments arise, instead of asking, “Am I doing enough?” try asking, “What am I avoiding?”
Be sure to be compassionate with yourself. We find our most significant growth when we’re being gentle and nonjudgmental toward ourselves.
Remember, this is a journey. You’re not doing it wrong; you’re doing your best.
Reflection Exercise
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to help spot the productive numb:
What’s one “productive” habit I rely on when I’m overwhelmed or triggered?
When I pause that behavior, what emotions start to show up?
What’s a way I could offer myself comfort without needing to achieve something?
You’re Not Alone in This
Productive numbing is sneaky. But if you’ve ever felt emptier the more you get done, you’re not imagining things. You’re not lazy, broken, or doing recovery wrong; you’re learning how to live new experiences and emotions.
Wanna Stay Connected?
If this hit home, I’d love to know. Tap that heart, drop a comment, or send a quick message. A simple “same” or “this got me” is more than enough.
You’re also invited to join other Bookenders in our new Reddit community: r/BooksOfRecovery. Whether you’re healing from addiction, betrayal trauma, or loving someone through it, you’ll find tools, honest conversations, and support through every stage of the process.
💛
Laura
