Explore why emotional reactions feel intense in addiction recovery, and learn healing tools to regulate and grow your window of tolerance.

Some of the ways I used to cope were brilliant. Not healthy, but brilliant.

When I was in the thick of addiction, or later trying to survive betrayal trauma, my brain didn’t care about long-term consequences. It just wanted me to make it through the day. And I did a great job of it, but I was stuck in the same emotional place without realizing it.

I learned to numb with busyness. First, by getting into relationships with people and trying to fix them. Then, by trying to control everything around me, including those I loved. My way of trying to calm the chaos that constantly lived inside my brain.

I avoided uncomfortable truths with humor. I controlled what I could and avoided what I couldn’t. In the moments when I felt truly powerless, I shut down emotionally. I locked my scary memories behind an imaginary door in my mind. It was a survival skill that worked like an invisibility cloak… until it didn’t.

Those strategies saved me back then. But here’s the thing: what saves us in one season can quietly sabotage us in the next.

If your inner critic had a voice, what would it sound like?

Maybe it’s sharp and sarcastic. Maybe it mimics someone from your past. Or perhaps it just lurks quietly under the surface, whispering cruel things like, “You’re not worthy of love,” or, “You’re not strong enough to get through this.”

Most of us don’t wake up one day and suddenly decide to be hateful to ourselves. Those scripts, the automatic negative thoughts (ANTs), usually stem from something. And guess what? It’s not something we did or didn’t do.

Check in with yourself using the Life Wheel: a simple, powerful tool for addicts in recovery and the loved ones healing alongside them.

When I first got clean, I thought not using was all there was to it. Mission accomplished. Maybe I’d get a gold star or something. Mental health and emotional regulation weren’t even on my radar. That came later. Much later. Like over a decade later after things in my life were much messier.

Turns out, quitting cocaine was only the beginning. What I needed after that, what a lot of us need, is emotional sobriety. The cool thing is, emotional sobriety and mental health aren’t just related, they’re like siblings who split the rent on your sanity.

 Emotions are like layers of an onion. Some are simple and raw, while others are complex, nuanced, and shaped by life experience. Understanding these levels can help us identify what we’re feeling and why, which is especially useful in recovery, healing, relationships, and personal growth.

Although my dad was great at talking with me, there were a lot of things that just weren’t discussed. I was never taught how to process my emotions properly, let alone name them. If that resonates with you, you’re not alone. Here’s a quick overview of emotions that can help you on your journey to recovery and healing.

This bonus workbook complements Tuesday’s post on how to manage triggers when you’re feeling angry. It has easy-to-use exercise and optional deeper dive exercises for those that want to take a look at self-doubt and obstacles.